Thursday, November 6, 2008

As the smoke clears

From the LA TImes:
One thing is clear: That shift is on the side of gay and lesbian equality. More and more gay and lesbian couples are openly committing to each other, having weddings, and even calling it marriage. The word is important. Princesses don't dream about someday "domestically partnering with" the person they love. They dream about marrying him -- or, in a minority of cases, her.

To that minority, a bare majority of California voters sent a discriminatory message: You are not good enough for marriage. Your relationships -- no matter how loving, how committed, how exemplary -- are not "real" marriage.

But "real" marriage transcends state recognition of it. And that's another reason why this debate will continue. Because it's not just about what California should or should not legally recognize. It's also about what sort of relationships are morally valuable, and why. And that's a debate that, slowly but surely, gay-rights advocates are winning.

The path to inclusion is not always direct and the pace of change almost never steady. This setback is by no means a final verdict. In the coming years, gay and lesbian citizens will continue to tell our stories. We will demonstrate that, like everyone else, we are worthy of having someone to have and to hold, for better or for worse. More Americans will realize that such relationships are a good thing -- not just for us but for the community at large.

When the smoke from this battle clears, Americans will realize that gays are not interested in confusing children or in forcing princesses on little girls who don't want them. But they also will realize that, when girls grow up to love princesses, they deserve to live happily ever after too.
Then we'll see the sun break through the clouds and the little birds sing, too, I bet. Sorry. I'm not buying it. The forces of hate are celebrating with vile triumphalism right now. They are metaphorically, at least, tearing up my marriage license and violating the most sacred and joyous experience of my life with their hate-filled words. And I'm supposed to be grateful that Obama even mentioned the word "gay" in his victory speech and hope that someday the smoke clears.

Update: many lawyers think that the current challenges will be unsuccessful as a matter of law, and also that they will forcibly annul my marriage. Commentary here.


Grandmère Mimi said...

IT, you have a right to your righteous anger that Prop 8 passed, and you have every reason to lose hope. However, I do not lose hope. My thought is that we have only begun to fight, and I will not give up. In my humble opinion, the haters are not worthy of either your angst nor your attention. Let them do what they will do. Expose them for what they are? Yes! Show them as they are, fueled by hate, a profoundly squalid way to live a life.

I'll say with all honesty that, if tomorrow my marriage was declared invalid to me, I would not, for one minute, think that I was not married, nor would those who love me believe that we are not married. For various reasons, we chose to have a very small wedding, because the focus for us was on our life together, not for the one day of the wedding.

Those who love you will view you and BP as married, no matter what the state says. I pray that is how you look upon each other. You don't need state validation for your love and commitment to one another to be real. I wouldn't for the world want to give you more pain, and if my comment here does, then I apologize in advance and urge you to delete it.

Posted in fear and trembling and meant with great love.

IT said...

Oh, Mimi, I know that! I do, really. Nothing "important" has changed about my beloved and me. I consider my marriage to BP to have begun when we privately exchanged our rings, years ago, and I don't need a state-provided piece of paper to know that.

My anger is directed at the idea of people who deliberately, consciously, and viciously try to contaminate something rare and beautiful. That they cannot fundamentally hurt it in its essentials, does not change my ire at their attempt, or my anger at the institutions that are facilitating their hateful attacks.

I feel your love, I do. BP (who lurks here) phoned me up to tell me to come read it and thinks you are wonderful too.


David said...

Yeah, what Mimi said...

Wormwood's Doxy said...


Grandmère Mimi said...

IT, thank you, and thanks to you, too, BP. IT, you have a beautiful wife. Hold on to her, and to BP, I speak the same words.

Whew! What a relief!

Anonymous said...

Mimi has a wonderful way with words, far better than mine, so I say "me too".

I would like to add that I have hope with these legal suits. It is my understanding that a state constitution cannot conflict with the federal Constitution. Courts like precedence. We now have several courts ruling that the federal Constitution prohibits discrimination. So I have hope this atrocity will be undone.

I also have hope that this has finally gotten through some thick skulls, like mine, that there are people who are truly that evil. I am such an innocent that I thought that Californians would refuse this discrimination. So now I will fight. We can't let evil have the last say.


IT said...

The comments section of the LA Times is revolting, with people promoting violence against the gay community and its protests. "I wish a bomb would drop on West Hollywood and kill you all", wrote one guy.

And God-God-God Jesus-Jesus-Jesus used as an excuse.

It's revolting.

dr.primrose said...

I'm afraid I've been as depressed as IT about the passage of Prop. 8 and the immediate prospects of doing anything about it.

But here's something that gives me some hope in the longer term. According to the Times of London, apparently Obama initiated several conversations with Gene Robinson - Barack Obama asked gay bishop Gene Robinson what it was like to be 'first'.



Barack Obama sought out controversial gay bishop Gene Robinson not just once but three times during his campaign to become President of the United States, The Times can reveal.


[Robinson said] “The first words out of his mouth were: ‘Well you’re certainly causing a lot of trouble’, My response to him was: ‘Well that makes two of us'.”


The bishop said: “He is impressive, he’s smart, he is an amazing listener. For someone who’s called on to speak all the time when he asks you a question it is not for show, he is actually wanting to know what you think and listens.”

He said that this made a refreshing change from the Bush regime. "We’ve had eight years of someone who has listened to almost no one.”


They spent more time discussing international issues than lesbians and gays. “He certainly indicated his broad and deep support for the full civil rights for gay and lesbian ... I pressed him on the Millennium Development Goals. I wanted to know whether he thought more about them than just they were a good idea but whether he had any intention of pushing for their full funding and so on.”


Bishop Robinson said that Mr Obama had not hesitated to talk about his faith.

“I find that remarkable, not only in a politician but also in a Democrat. For years it’s only been Republicans who wanted to talk about religion. All the Democratic candidates felt disposed to do so this year.”

He said that Mr Obama had indicated his support for equal civil rights for gay and lesbian people and described the election as a “religious experience”.

dr.primrose said...

There was a massive protest by around 3000 people this afternoon outsIde the Mormon Temple in West Los Angeles -- Thousands protest Proposition 8 outside Mormon temple in Westwood.

In other news stories, there have been complaints by Mormons about yesteday's protests against them that they are entitled to excercise their rights to participate in the politicial process on issues that they're concerned about. That's true, of course. But if they do it in the same way as Rovian political hacks instead of Christians, they're entitled to be treated as such.

Paul M said...

IT, I am so sorry.

One hopeful note is in the analysis of the exit polls. (I guess that's where they get these numbers.) Young people overwhelmingly opposed Proposition 8. This will not stand. The tide of history is moving in our direction.

I just wish we didn't have to wait so long. Real people are getting hurt in the process. People I love. People like you.

Mike in Texas said...

Petition for Revocation of Mormon Tax Exemption

James said...

Thanks Mike! I've linked to the site. Excellent, bloody ace it is.

Mike in Texas said...

IT ... You've been archived in Viagraville.

I noticed that this was a referring link to my blog, so I checked it out.

Mike in Texas said...

Here's a better link to your archive in Viagraville, IT.

Anonymous said...

What does that mean, MIke-in-TX? Why would they bother?


Mike in Texas said...

I have idea, IT. Maybe they're just a bunch of paranoid squirrels.

Maybe they had something on their site linking to it.

Felice said...

Well, it's now more important than ever that the Church step up to the plate and bless gay and lesbian couples.

IT said...

I think I know, Mike in TX. Based on a spittle-flecked comment in the thread below, they apparently think my post "Bigotry wins" is racist and anti-religion.

My comments on this are in that thread.

I removed the spittle-flecked comment for reasons of hygiene.