I am not a Christian. I periodically have to remind my beloved wife of this, because she doesn't understand why I can't move on from the Prop8 stuff. She is a truly remarkable woman, a profoundly loving Christian, with a deep ability to forgive. (Have I mentioned lately that she is far, far too good for the likes of me?)
This whole Prop 8 aftermath has left me seared and very angry. One of my colleagues stopped me in the hall the other day, and asked if everything was okay. He told me I had been looking very tired. I assured him that it was nothing to do with work, but then went to my office and thought about what had changed in my life that would make me look and feel so tired and worn out. I have no patience left for anything, even the usual frustrations of work and commute. Yet nothing in that has changed.
And all I can come up with is Prop8, and the anger and bitterness that it has left behind it. It's as though I have an instinctive fight response activated every time it is mentioned. Tears are never far from the surface (I'm not generally a crier), and I feel wary and untrusting of everyone, a veritable misanthrope.
BP is Catholic, as you know, and loves her friends on the folk choir. They are the big reason, I think, that she can't just leave the RCs and go Episcopalian full time. She is out to them, and most of them are huge supporters of us both and were enthusiastic participants at our wedding. (Liberal Roman Catholics all exist in a world of "don't ask, don't tell" with respect to their church, I've decided.)
One couple however was not happy about us. They are conservatives. They were active "Yes on 8" supporters, and of course did not come to our wedding. I told BP I don't understand how she can see them every week at rehearsal and be friendly with them. "They have nothing personal against us," she told me. "They think we're wrong, is all." To which I responded that it IS personal, that these people chose to vote to hurt us, very deliberately despite knowing us. Or rather, knowing her; I have only met them a couple of times.
This sums up a major difference between us. BP is the bigger person. She can forgive, find common ground with this couple, and move on. I can't. I am angry at this couple and all those who voted to hurt me, without me ever doing anything to injure them. And I can't figure out how to get past it.