Marriage in New Hampshire

photo by Edith Tucker

New Hampshire Lakes and Mountains reports on one of the first weddings in NH since the new law took effect:

BERLIN — An historic first took place on Saturday, Jan. 2, in the "City that Trees Built."

Elizabeth "Betsy" Hess and the Rev. Eleanor "Ellie" McLaughlin, both of Randolph, were wed in a civil ceremony near the entrance to St. Barnabas Episcopal Church on High Street.

The Rt. Rev. V. Gene Robinson, the ninth Bishop of the Diocese of New Hampshire, blessed their rings and their Christian marriage at the altar. The blessing ceremony followed the civil marriage ceremony, which was jointly performed by Randolph Town Clerk Anne Kenison and Justice of the Peace Anne Jackson of Lancaster.

Here is how Betsy describes it:

It was a glorious occasion. We had an open invitation to anyone who wanted to come, and about 170 turned up. We usually have about 25-30 for church on Sunday, to place it in context.

Ellie wrote the civil part of the ceremony, which took place at the back of the church, including (subtly tongue in cheek) the state's commitment to uphold our marriage. We then had a grand procession, begun with children waving streamers as "The Winter Wind of the Holy Spirit". After all, she doesn't only come as toasty flames at Pentacost! In the same vein, we didn't have flowers for the witnesses (aka bride's maids and groomsmen, but wouldn't that have been bizzare) and family. Instead Ellie blessed off-white pashminis and we draped them around the neck of each of them, in the fashion of tibetan white prayer scarves, honoring and blessing our love for them and their support of us over the years. We also had, as the cover graphic on the service leaflet, a copy of a second century symbol of the early church, two harts looking longingly at a ewer of water. The early church associated "Like as the hart desireth the waterbrooks" with the faithful catechumens yearning for baptism.

20 musical friends from all over provided the choir, along with our wonderful organist Susan Ferre, and her husband Charlie Lang on the Viola da Gamba. We used Faure's "Cantique de Jean Racine" and Mozart's "Ave Verum" for anthems. Old choral chestnuts needed to be the order of the day, as the choir had only 90 minutes to rehearse before the ceremony. But what splendid chestnuts they are, and beautifully performed! After our vows at the altar and the Bishop pronouncing us married, Ellie and I sang a Southern harmony hymn "We'll never grow old" in harmony (It's on the Anonymous 4 Southern Harmony CD). We both love to sing and it was our faithful declaration that we are married for eternity.

There was an undertone throughout, of the long wait and sacrifice needed for GLBT to finally be accepted by the church. The second reading was the one from Revelations used at funerals, with God finally wiping every tear from our eyes. And this was clearly a winter wedding from the winter of our lives, not the spring wedding of young people.

Bishop Gene Robinson preached a wonderful sermon. He started by praising St. Barnabas, Berlin for taking a chance on calling an openly partnered, lesbian Rector Ellie, followed by a second lesbian Rector, Fran Gardner. He noted that it is a challenge for us to contend with the label "That gay church" as we reach out to the community. But he also praised us for reaching out to everyone in our area, the poor, the mentally challenged, the seekers, the teens, etc. He then took back the fundamentalists' warped interpretation of Adam and Eve, by claiming the true need of humankind for companionship, someone with whom lovingly to share our journeys.

The whole thing was a wonderful hour and a half liturgy. Those who were Episcopalians loved it, and those who weren't experienced an opportunity to experience Christianity in action, in a different way than they see in the Media.

One of the joys of living in a small town is that all involved with this event are our friends, or at least know of us. Some barely know us, but told us they came to show their support for the new gay marriage law in New Hampshire. Friends catered the food. Friends decorated the church hall. Fran Gardner spent 25 hours putting together the 23 page worship leaflet after Ellie and the Bishop fashioned the liturgy. The organist spent enormous time on the music and gathering the singers out of chaos into a fine ensemble. The florist who routinely provides the Sunday flowers for St. Barnabas told the Rector she was givng us white flowers for this Sunday so they could be used for the wedding as well. The check out clerk at Wal-Marts, a total stranger to me, when I got the bagels to feed the choir at 8:30 Saturday morning said "Oh, you're getting married today. If only I weren't working, I'd be there!"

Ellie has always told me that a sacrament is powerful in part because it upholds and blesses before God a Holy reality that already exists. There is an advantage to marrying after 19 years. The truth of our love, and the truth of our blessed "company of strangers" who have become fast friends over the years, has become highly potent and sweet over all that time.

I rejoice on behalf of all of you, as well as for us, that there is a "sweet, sweet Spirit" blowing in our church and in our world. And if it is perhaps a cold winter wind--still, how bracing, crisp and fresh. God bless us, everyone!

Betsy Hess
Berlin, NH

Prop8 Federal Case: sign petition to televise the trial!

So, you may remember, there's a Prop8 federal case, Perry v. Schwarzeneggar, that challenges PropH8 on the grounds of equal protection: a federal challenge, to be heard in 2 week in Federal Court (Ninth Circuit in California). Part of this case turns on whether the Bad Guys were motivated by animus against GLBT people.

Originally it was to be televised, but now the bad guys are suing to keep it quiet. Seems their witnesses are unwilling to be seen in public.

The Judge is seeking public comment about televising the trial. Please speak out for transparency! This is a FEDERAL CASE now, and a federal judge--not limited to Californians, but relevant to all Americans.

The Courage Campaign has a website where you can sign: http://www.couragecampaign.org/TeleviseTheTrial

SIGNATURE DEADLINE: FRIDAY 9 a.m.:

More on this from LGBTPOV and Gay Married californian blogs.

Two different faiths

Recently, in a lecture BP and I attended on different religious traditions, the point was made that fundamentalists of different faiths have more in common with other fundamentalists, than with liberals of their own faith group. We've certainly seen this as it relates to women, and to gay people. Islamic fundamentalists and Christian fundamentalists aren't so far apart on these issues. The spectacular silence of Christian conservatives about the Uganda gay death bill is no different than the failure of Islamic extremists to condemn the brutal torture and execution of gays in Iraq (more here).

But this got me to wondering: at what point does the squabbling between different extremes of Christianity become severe enough that Christianity becomes two different religions? Can you really say that an inclusive believer who embraces reason and conscience, and accepts the Bible as full of paradox and ambiguity, has anything left in common with a authoritarian exclusivist with a fundamentalist world-view, focused on sin and and literalist reading of Scripture? Given the accusations of idolatry and heresy that get thrown back and forth.... mostly back....Still, it seems to me that one view is all about the hope and promise of the resurrection, and the other is about the horror and suffering of the crucifixion. They have diverged in fundamental ways.

In any case, if you eliminate the ethnic component to religious identity (that is, being Catholic because your parents were), what are the chances for a realignment? Liberal Catholics, Episcopalians, and Lutherans have much more in common with each other than with their Talibanist right-wings and authoritarians.

At what point will there be two different religions?

Pictures from church: compare and contrast

For years I've loved photography, especially being able to take pictures of people, delighting in compositions of contrasts. It appeals to me no doubt because I identify as the observer and outsider in so much of life. Of course, shooting pictures in church is not exactly something you can do without being offensively intrusive. But I thought I'd paint you a word-picture of the patterns I saw at church today, which I found delightful in their variations. I wish I could have photographed them with more than mental images.

The first people we saw this morning were an elderly gay couple holding hands as they walked across the street into the Cathedral. One partner is more frail than the other, and the more robust one draped his arm along the pew against his spouse's back. I contrasted this with a father and son, around 12, sitting a few rows in front. The dad also draped his arm protectively along the pew to hold his son near. Another contrast across the aisle, where a pair of younger gay men sat, robust and vigorous with the complacency of good health.

Pleased with that little pattern, I noticed an elderly white woman across the aisle from us, dressed beautifully and carefully made up. Right next to her was a beautiful young African American woman, with her hair cut into a Mohawk (even to the sides of her head shaved), stylishly dressed though in a completely different idiom to her neighbor. And in contrast to both of these, I spotted a man with long blond hair, an earring, and a stubbly chin, wearing a worn flannel shirt and converse sneakers. Completing the variations of sartorial intent, one of the little girls in the children's procession wore sequined pink shoes that sparkled with each step under her pink-and black tights.

A young man a few rows behind, flanked by his parents though a head taller than both. When his father turned, I could see as in a time machine what the young man will look like in 40 years.

Getting the pattern? i noticed a lame man walk to Communion, stiffly swinging his leg, and contrasted him with the child I observed returning from Communion with a little skip to her step. A tall man dressing completely in black contrasted with a man in a cheerful Hawai'ian shirt. A young woman accompanying her grandmother to the rail contrasted with a young father holding his infant.

It's a large congregation, so I could only get a few mental snapshots of the attendees. From neat sport jackets to blue jeans and sweatshirts, from white to Asian to African American, from children to grandparents, straights, gays, and transgender, lots of contrasts to draw in that community, which despite its contrasts, all manage to come together every Sunday. (Let's just say the Peace is pretty enthusiastic). Would the other communities to which I belong be equally unified!